It has been way too long since I have been able to share my thoughts. And boy am I ready to lighten my load upstairs.
There has been a slew of great things that I can go on and on about in my life since I have posted last. But, the one aspect that seems to be standing out the most is “you are not alone.”
Even when I type it down I can’t help but to smile because I am surrounded by so many people that love me. I have reconnected with my cousins which has been a blessing. Its what we all needed. I was thinking just the other day how good it feels to KNOW that I have family praying on my behalf.
For so long I was bogged down in my own problems which caused me to get lonely. I felt that explaining my feelings and problems was so emotionally draining for me as well as the other problem. So, I would just deal with it internally and through prayer. I have realized through vunerability with my close friends and family that I am not alone. By expressing my feelings it did a couple of things for me. First, it allowed me to see that I am not the only person that has has these thoughts. Just hearing the words, “I know exactly how you feel, or I know exactly what you mean” Has been a huge relief for me. I am truly not alone.
As crazy as this sounds I have realized that I am not the only person in this world that has problems. We all have our problems although some may be more extreme than others but through it all we find strength and encouragement.
When I was so consumed with the negative, I would look at other people and think that their life or their problems were not near as bad as mine. And I would think how good it must feel to have this or that. But, the more I grow in my faith I can get on my knees and say THANK YOU. Because, I know that God is good and “All things work out for the good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose.”
Emotional wounds cut deep and heal slow. They stay unprotected way to longer than we ever want them to. Sometimes I wander if they ever completely heal. For me, I can tell i’m healing when the “moments” don’t come as frequently and they don’t create a pause. The memories will always be there but the ones I thougtht I would never forget seemed to have slipped away. There are times when I find myself smiling at some of them, but they too,soon fade away.
But, my smile is back. My genuine God given smile is back! My laugh is back! Without anything holding it back or keeping it in. And it feels good! And no one can take that from me. I have family, I have friends, and I have love!