“When life sways you back and forth; close your eyes and find your balance.” ~Iyhia McMichael
As the new year was approaching, God started stirring in my spirit the word-Anchored. When that word resonated in my spirit, I knew exactly what he was referring to; its my ability to stay anchored in my singleness. I endured much doubt in 2014 with my perception of my single state. I wandered if there was something more I should be doing. Should I dress a different way? Should I flirt a little more? Should I go to different places? Should I settle my standards? I became so consumed with the thought and longing of being in a relationship, that it stifled my growth as a Christian and blurred God’s vision for my life.
I spent many nights wiping my tears trying to figure out why God was using the longevity of singleness with me. Why me God? Why is it so easy for others, but very difficult for me? I would cry out to God and let him know that I was standing on his word that says ‘The man who finds a wife finds a treasure and receives favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22 (NLT). But questioned God in why he had not released “him” to come for me yet. I knew in my heart that I was to stand on his word, but I couldn’t help but to doubt because I saw no change in my situation.
Even when I would pray or ask friends to pray for me, I would still feel a void in my heart where I felt God “left me hanging.” I would become angry asking God, “Why did you deposit all of this love in my heart and not give me anyone to show it to?” It was during these moments when I felt the most alone, because I knew my friends could not fill the void, and I felt as though God did not either; thus starting the spiral of negative thoughts about myself.
It has been almost five years of singleness for me and I mostly keep my loneliness to myself because, I feel as though my friends are tired of laboring with me in prayer about the same thing. I know that I am suppose to completely rely on God, but at the time I felt I couldn’t because, in my mind, he was denying me what my heart craved the most- to love and to be loved.
But, something changed for me when I traveled home for the month of December 2014. No matter how much I wanted to busy myself, I kept hearing a gentle voice that kept saying-REST. I knew that was God giving me permission to rest. It was during my period of rest that I was able to read, write, pray, and listen. This is where God meets me most intimately and through those moments he allowed the renewing of my mind in so many areas of my life; including singleness. Over the course of that month, I felt free from the bondage and desire to long for relationship. He showed me the beauty of singleness for me and how he is using it in many more ways that has not manifested itself yet. I was reminded of the scripture in Romans 12:2 “…but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.” (NLT)
In my period of refection, I realized that every time I longed for companionship, God placed a new friend in my life. It was such a beautiful discovery and realization. From experience, I understand that even in a marriage, there is a need for meaningful friendships, and I thank God that he has sent me many throughout my lifetime.
I was reading a friend’s devotional this morning that challenged me to “stay the course.” James 5:11 says, “What a gift to those who stay the course! Youve heard of course of JOb’s staying power, adn you know how God brought it all together for him at the end. That’s because God cares, cares right down to the detail.” (The Message). I knew at that moment, God was speaking to me in the area of singleness. As he says in scripture, he cares about every detail of our lives and that includes who he will bring into my life as a man of God, my life partner, and a father figure. He pays attention to every detail and it is worth me to stay anchored in my stance to balance on the word of God.
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