Please don’t think that because I don’t talk about it that I don’t have my ups and downs not only as a parent but as a single parent.
I don’t talk about it much and even when I do I feel guilty about it for a couple of reasons.
First of all, I was raised to not complain or make excuses about my problems you just find a way to get it done and be your best at it.
Secondly, I know I’m not the first person to go through this so no one is going to have pity on my situation especially when some people have more than one child.
I think because I don’t complain people forget that I’m a single parent and to be honest I forget too, its just become a part of life.
If you are not a parent there is no way to undertsand. You see, having a kid brings about a whole new level of thoughts, feelings, pressures, and emotions on top of your job and its deadlines and your friends and family.
Once you go through your day whatever sliver of time and energy is left is yours. And the rare moments where you can spend time with your friends–priceless.
Babysitting is not the same, nieces and nephews, are not the same. The everyday that comes along with having a child is something only a parent can understand.
But, if I can be honest for a second there are times when I don’t want to share, there are times when all I wanna do is scream or cry or be far far away, times when I envy those who can just go home and nap, or up and plan a trip. There are times when I don’t wanna hear “mommy”, times when I only wanna think about me or sit and watch tv or a movie uninterruped, or just take off and go see friends.
But I realize that even if I got to do all those things it still wouldn’t be the release I expected because I will always be thinking about my baby. As a mother that title stays with me no matter how old he gets I can’t escape it.
By no means am I perfect but I do have great examples before me. Sometimes I surprise myself by the things I’m able to get done. Everyday I have to plan out the day. Whether I will need snacks, juice, toys etc. So he will be ok. But it gets done.
Dont get me wong I Love him and we have fun but sometimes my mind is overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done and my fuse is short and my patience is thin but what I love about Ian is that he is resillient. And those times when I do fall short he always comes back to me with a hug and a big smile. He wraps his arms around my neck super tight which is his way of saying, “mommy I love you.”
In conclusion, I would like to express that overall I have complete Joy with the help of the Lord, I honestly don’t know what I would do without him.
I have learned through my son what unconditional love means. I have learned to laugh and smile and be silly which is so freeing in itself. And there is something about taking care of someone outside of myself that is rewarding. I love that!! He looks to me for everything and although I fall short I thank God for forgiveness and the chance to dust myself off and try it again another day.
I gave up trying to be perfect sometimes its good to let him see my bad days too so he can see that mommy does fall short.
Mommy is not perfect but I love him on my good days and my bad days.