I feel like I have been avoiding writing for way too long. Partly because everythime I write I delve more into my inner being. Which is exactly what I should want to do right? But, its the unknown that paralyzes my mind and gives my soul pause. Sometimes I feel like an inner voice is screaming, “stop, stop.” almost as though its too painful to know. To heartbreaking to find out what lies beneath.
But this time I am plowing forwar. I’m taking a deep breath holding on for this remarkable journey. Because I’m finding out the “middle” makes the end so much sweeter.
My heart has found happiness in a way that I never would have imagined. I am starting to see the manifestations of my prayer life. And the great thing about it is that as I watch it all unfold its so much better that I could have ever envisioned.
The same way that sadness and heartache knocked me off my feet, happiness put me right back on my feet. “I”m happy” and I have been that way shortly before my sons first birhtday this october. My heart was so full of joy.
Iniitally, it ws kind of perplexing because I have been down this road before only to return back to the road most traveled. But this time I coudl tell that it was different—it was here to stay I would not be succumbed to my circumstances anymore.
It was a joy that belonged to me and it was gift from God. He has encouraged me to hold on to it and I have–with both hands.
Somedays I find myself so happy that I feel like I’m bursting at the seams. Almost like I cant be contained. I”m lauging all the time, smiling all the time, playing all the time.
Despite my circumstances I choose to have joy and peace of mind. Dont get me wrong I do have my days but even in those moments I am able to bounce back with resiliency.
But, these past couple of weeks has been almost too much to bear. I feel so much love on the inside of me that my cup is running over.
I dont know what to do with it. I can’t keep it inside for the emotions are weighing too heavy on me. I need to share them but to whom I’m not sure.
Its exciting to me when I think about it because I know that change is coming. Its going to present itself in a way never expected–never sought out and I am so excited to be on the receiving end of God’s blessings.