I HAVE QUESTIONS
“Brace yourself, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them.” Job 40:6 (NLT)
I had one of those mornings where I found myself questioning EVERYTHING. Well, if I am being honest, I have had many mornings where I feel as though I am questioning God. I found myself venting to him about my frustrations because I was tired of waiting. I was tired of praying about the same things over and over again. I was having a “spiritual temper tantrum” if you will.
In my spiritual temper tantrum, I would not take advantage of my quiet times and if I did, my mind set was not right. I would have an attitude about serving God and a sense that prayer worked for everyone else but me. I also would not take advantage of my writing time in the morning, because in my mind, I felt as though I was writing the same things over and over again year after year. To be completely honest I was MAD. I did not want to DO religion anymore, in my mind I was fine by myself.
Well, God spoke! Not in a harsh tone, but in a gentle voice like he always does with one of conviction. HE reminded me that HE and only HE was the one who gave me the strength I needed to endure my divorce almost five years ago. He and only HE was the one who made financial ends meet when I saw no end in sight. He and only HE was the one who lead me back home so I could heal and be with my family in such a vulnerable time. HE and only HE was the one who provided the vision for RECOLORED. HE and only HE was the one who spoke to me in such a crucial period of my life in 2011 that has now become my testimony. HE and only HE provided me a church home in Nacogdoches, Texas called Nac Bible that accepted me and loved me and prayed for me and reminded me that God LOVED ME. HE and only HE is the one who brought me a group of friends that took me in and showed me what true friendship looked like in spite of my bruised and broken heart. HE and only HE is the one who led me and encouraged me to continue to dream because with him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
I have learned this morning that it is OK to have feelings and it is OK to express them to God. He says in Mathew 11:28-30 “Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest in your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give is light” (NLT).
I’m glad that he allowed me to vent but I’m even more thankful for his Grace, and even though I came to him in anger, he answered me with humility. This morning, for me, was about being real and genuine with my feelings and not pretending as though I was OK when I really wasn’t. I am glad that I have a God that genuinely loves me even when I have a “spiritual temper tantrum” and no matter what this world believes, my faith will always be anchored in CHRIST.
REBORN. RENEWED. RECOLORED.