I can remember the age of 25 just like it was yesterday. It is a profound number that causes me to hesitate in my thoughts of the past. It was a year of confusion and frustration; which looking back, was the start of Gods refining process in my life. It was that period of time that I was playing tug of war with my past and my future and neither one was willing to give way.
I was still in my prime, at the height of my profession softball career fulfilling my dreams, and while the fans were cheering I was having an internal battle with myself. Wanting to purse greatness at the sport, but feeling a tug of something different.
But, I carried on with my single “free” self and pursued a college coaching job at the University of Virginia. I have always been a dreamer and open to travel and new places even if it took me away from my home in Texas, so the opportunity, although far away was exciting. But, after the excitement wore off, I found myself clawing for familiarity, and with each attempt, I found myself engulfed in darkness which brought on a sense of isolation and depression.
I do not feel that going to Virginia was the wrong decision however, I do feel that I was not properly equipped spiritually to handle the ups and downs that came along with making a big move that far away from home.
But, As I reflect back on those times in my twentys, I can’t help but to see how much I learned about life, growth and myself. Now, 7 years later( isn’t it fulfilling that it has been 7 years which is the number of completion?) at the age of 32, along with my 3 year old son we have have moved off again to a different state and I cannot help but to thank The Lord, because those ups and downs that I had experienced before now seem like little hills instead of big mountains. Yes, I had my moments when I first moved, but what I do know is that I was SENT. That reassurance is what sustains me in those times of doubt. Now, when i feel lonely, I understand that God is my friend and comforter. When I worry about not having enough financial support, I am reminded that God provides all of my needs, and through my experiences I know they me and my son are covered.
In order to leave, we must be prepared. So, I feel as though I am properly equipped through this season of my life. I often forget how full my plate is because I am in a place of peace, but when I focus on the fact that I am a single mother, states away from home, new school, graduate school, and the list goes on, that is when I feel the anxiety. But, as long as I stay in my “Jesus Bubble” God provides the peace I need for the day.
#reborn #renewed #recolored