This blog post has a different voice than my previous ones. I am tired of answering the questions of what ifs. Why are you putting your burdens and road blocks on me? Why make your questions my questions? Your cautions may not be my cautions. Because you bombard me with your questions, you hinder my process. It makes me consider things that quite frankly- I wouldn’t have to think about if you were coming from a good place. Because I have found that some people show up to support me and even more show up to see me fail. And have the audacity to walk away disappointed because they were not witness to the failures they themselves placed on me. But the truth of the matter is, that what God says is true -is true. It doesn’t matter how much someone tries to knock me down or discourage me from progressing because, I will still move forward. I have come to the conclusion that I just don’t care! Yes, I want to make sure that I consider and take heed to good advice, but I have learned to ALWAYS go to my Lord and Savior-period.
I am tired of being told that I will not find the Christian man that I talk about because my standards are too high, honestly, they aren’t too high because my standards are not my own-they are Gods. I have tried my own standards and I have failed miserably. I have surrendered the fact that in doing things Gods way I must surrender my own and lean not unto my own understanding. Gods way will take a while! I don’t care how anyone else is going about doing their business but for me, I was provided an opportunity of a re-do Gods way and I don’t want to miss out this time. I don’t want second best and I don’t want to settle.I realize that God has no favorites and if he can do it for another couple then he can definitely do it for me. I have read about it, I have seen it and I know that in Gods timing that I will experience what God has been preparing me for this whole time. Now I’m not going to lie and say that its been easy for me to get to this “shout out loud” attitude but, I its freeing.
I’m tired of people telling me that I’m taking life too seriously and I need to “live a little bit.” The truth is, serving God is fun and the challenges and struggles is worth it. So, I don’t care if I’m missing out on a one night stand, or a night at the club. I don’t want temporary fulfillment I want a lifetime of purpose. A relationship to me is more than an updated Facebook status, its a continuation of Gods purpose for our lives. I know there is more to this life than a husband, child, and house-yes that brings me happiness but I do know that my entire life and existence cannot be in that alone. I am striving, pursuing God’s very best for my life and I know that that must take time and I am willing to wait. So please, keep your negativity to yourself! You may chuckle at my dateless nights and even think that God’s standards to not apply to the “new age” of shacking up and sex before marriage but, I choose not to follow the norm. Yes! that has gotten me lonely nights but, I must stay true to
So, unless you can genuinely root for me and how God is leading my life then, keep your comments to yourself. Because to continue to walk with God is not always easy and there are times that I wander why- and its those times when I need people who are in my corner for encouragement, not discouragement. Because the truth of the matter is, regardless of what you say or do God has the final say so. He is the one that calms the sea, orders our footsteps, and silences our thoughts.
Don’t mock me for having longevity in my singleness, or pursuing my masters and doctorate as a single parents, or not waiting on a man before I start buying my house. I’m just a woman who has DARED to trust in God! And this go around I want him to write my story it’s me that provides the blank canvas by dying daily to myself.